“We have the capacity to take whatever’s happened in our life and turn it into an opportunity and use it and be FUELLED by it”.-Dr Joe Dematini

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Ripping off the band-aid on narcissism..

This is my personal journey with experiencing narcissism that I am speaking to. 

The path of narcissism, for me to try to explain, it feels to be a path of continuous darkness and suffering for the narcissist, and then in turn for everyone that crosses their path. 

I don’t believe it was for no reason what I have encountered, I believe it was to eventually approach narcissism in my own way for others and bring aspects of this topic to the light, where any dark energy can be transformed in and around it. 

I felt like I was going to do it when I was ready, and the time feels like it’s calling. So with the intention to promote deep healing for others who need it, just as I did and still do as I move through life now with scars of my unchangeable past.

And If you’re wondering, no, I would never change my path, I am here now and I honor these scars as fuel for a fire that can bring a gift of light to the world.

Narcissists from what I have experienced can be quite smart, they are very well equipped with behaviors needed to repress their own trauma. They have a sense of feeling limited resources all around them so they always feel they need to take directly from others.

Chances are they have felt very unloved throughout childhood and are closed down emotionally, they can then believe the world is unsafe and everyone is ‘out for their own’. They then embark on a mission to feel good about themselves – at any cost.

They manipulate people to get what they need due to their belief systems, they hide out and strike whenever they feel like it. If they are able to do that so carelessly without thought, then with the utmost care and compassion, I now do my best to thoughtfully speak into it and shed what light I can.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t understand the behavior and I can’t speak to the why behind it exactly. However, I feel I can talk about it from my perspective because it largely impacted my life, leading to experiencing years of domestic violence which left traces of trauma responses that still need work from time to time.

Note: I do not resonate with the vibration of energy I am discussing and I am protected in all acts of bravery when it comes to transcending this unfortunate common issue presented throughout the world. 

This issue particularly in this time of unknown we are moving through, for example, isolations, heightened stress, and escalated fear experienced in different parts of the world right now, family and domestic violence has increased. 

I want to devote time and passion along my soulful path to normalize speaking out about how grossly disgusting, harmful, toxic and disconnecting this behavior can be. 

I’ll be the first to admit, it isn’t all love and light along a spiritual journey, it can be quite the opposite and I also admit I talk a lot about surrender because of the path I have walked, so the processes are well known for me to share and my aim is to help others – so please no pity party up in here.

This is real-life talk that may be triggering for some people. I am bored of talking around it now and I feel this fire inside me to speak out more and more. 

I am bringing to the light narcissism, domestic violence, and family violence because it is so unfortunately rife within society right now. It is everywhere. 

Did you know… 

Human rights are based on principles of dignity, equality, independence, and mutual respect. These rights we have while here residing in this human body, say we are to be treated fairly. Are you being treated fairly?

Chances are if you’ve crossed paths with a narcissist then one or all of the above rights have been violated, And I don’t use the word violated loosely – that’s exactly what it is. 

I refuse to sugarcoat this stuff because it is real and serious. I want to break this down so there is a clear foundation of your rights and to promote movement forward for anyone that may need to read this right now. 

Let’s start with DIGNITY. A sense of feeling worthy of honor and respect, not placed above or below anyone else. Walking beside, and with people, not being dictated to. 

This brings me to EQUALITY. There will be none of this present in relation to a narcissist, a one-sided relationship will exist.

Therefore how can there be INDEPENDENCE within a connection to narcissism? Manipulation and control are two big issues I feel are worthy of mentioning here, if they are present in your life and consistent then chances of independence in your world may be at a low. 

MUTUAL RESPECT. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and healthy loving boundaries. In connection with a narcissist, you will not be experiencing any of this. 

They are your very basic Human Rights.

In relation to abuse, Here is a basic explanation of the cycle of violence: 

1. Tension building – walking on eggshells, intimidation, fear, guilt etc.
2. Behaviour- Violence, when the abuse occurs- emotional, physical, financial, sexual abuse.
3. Honeymoon – apologises, blames behaviour on victim/s, ignores or denies abuse.

And around it goes…Until there is a choice made for someone to step out of the looping cycle.

Within all of this, people may experience such things like exploitation of shame, belittling, intimidation, aggression, isolation, control, manipulation, confusion, and/or different kinds of abuse. There is so much more. 

Here is a helpful link I found for further information if you’re interested in educating yourself on the behavior:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

During what feels like a lifetime for me, dealing with this behavior mentioned above. I remember I started by simply feeling things weren’t right, I started listening to those little comments from people around me, I began researching information, educating myself on the behavior. That’s where my eyes were beginning to open. 

I started to realize my life as I knew it had been severely impacted and I had in fact been experiencing trauma and normalizing it to some degree. The longer I was going to be in a relationship with a narcissist the less of myself I would have left at the end of each and every day, i realized too, it would be something my children would think was normal behavior… and I could no longer carry the thought and burden of that.

I had already lost myself. 

I knew it would be a fight for freedom because I was in deep.

To find safety, the courage to leave, to set boundaries that I clearly couldn’t do at the time, to then start a huge long journey to find myself again. I knew I was feeling like an empty shell, but I felt some light and hope still in there. 

It felt all too much, but I knew deep down I had to make a move toward rightness.

In 2014 i started the journey back to self, I decided I’d be coming home to myself no matter what it took, and I actually thought the getting out part would be the hardest part of all.

I was wrong. In my case it was the following 18months of heightened domestic violence that followed, I believe now 7 years later looking back that this was the time that created the biggest trauma imprint for me. 

Trauma responses that I am still working on today from a place of choice and safety.

I wanted to share the very beginning of my personal story and create a sense of realness so I can help others have permission to begin to even slightly start to shift into checking in with your very basic needs being met.

And to let you know if this is happening to you… You are not alone.

I have been there and I can tell you with a very full heart that I love my life, I can tell you that the trauma experienced is still being worked on from a place of knowing I am whole and I wear my scars in the absolute lightness of my being. I am a healer and teacher on this journey.

I’m going to be speaking into this topic more for education and empowerment purposes – shedding light to stop this thread of suffering and disconnection, with education and empowerment I believe the thread can be broken.

It feels part of my journey now to help others claim what is rightfully theirs and to hold it with love and compassion as they travel through this journey, safe, loved, and free.

I am blessed to have chosen what feels like a second chance to really live this life and if you need to choose that too, I hope that this can reach you and inspire something deep within you to know it’s available for you to reach out and hold it whenever you are ready. 

To every person on this planet- From the victims to the abusers. 

You are light, you hold light and the light within me deeply acknowledges the light within you.

Yours in encouragement towards choosing courage, 

Jessie