Choosing yourself doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, although sometimes it might be.
Regularly choosing you – moment to moment… like so many, I wasn’t sure what that was all about.
If I were to personally feel into a scale for choosing the self to provide an example, I feel a people pleaser on one end of the scale putting themselves last, suppressing the self-care and self-love they perhaps need moment to moment for others. And I sense a feeling of selfish arrogance on the other end of the scale, these people getting things at the cost of others and perhaps even being unaware of unhealthy, unbalanced behaviors used to do so.
So, how does one find the balance of choosing themselves with love while also holding the utmost care and respect for other’s needs in check?
The answer is in choosing yourself, moment to moment.
In the past, I have seen people choose themselves, and I’ve been taken back by it and that response always seemed linked to my desire to be able to actually do that for myself.
To choose myself…? I would ponder “how nice would that be”. It seemed a foreign concept.
For so long I chose otherwise.
What I was shown growing up played a part, then surviving over a decade of domestic violence played an even bigger part.
During this time of life, I completely forgot who I was and that I mattered. I experienced someone constantly choosing themselves from a place where they would succeed or want to succeed at all costs. It wasn’t healthy and it wasn’t safe.
Therefore I have spent a lot of time confused from my life experiences around this topic of worthiness, self-care, expression, and healthy boundaries. In sharing this post I hope to bring peace and maybe a bit of clarity to people that have felt similar to me. You are not alone.
Having had a warped perspective on choosing me for so long due to my experiences I would often think “I couldn’t possibly choose me if this is what I need to do in order to achieve it” (whether it was to speak up, have my needs met, choose what I in fact wanted).
I wasn’t to know any different at that stage of my life.
I can however see now that choosing me in a healthy way is choosing it – moment to moment.
For me it looks like setting loving firm boundaries, it is being with myself enough to know what it is that I really want and need each day, it’s creating a safe space for myself where I am able to express myself, receiving help to heal remnants/triggers that still occur from time to time, it’s learning to say no in a kind loving way, to acknowledge myself as I am, and to make choices that keep my energy strong…
All these things now make up what it is to choose myself in a healthy way. And it is a daily practice.
And I say the word ‘practice’ because it still doesn’t come super easy to me.
I have to check-in that I’m not slipping into people pleaser mode, or into some kind of total absorption being an empath, and let’s not forget how so easily the role of a Mum that’s done so much for her boys alone while running a business forgets to play and enjoy herself.
These are key pieces I have discovered I need to keep in constant check so I can function properly from a place of satisfaction with my life and where I am at, and it’s always changing.
If I am to feel joy, to know what I need for myself, to make choices from my heart as an individual, a mother, in love, and in business then I need to choose this practice in each present moment as a new way of being.
Do you know what your key pieces are in order for you to feel satisfied with life? Are you unbalanced? What do you need more or less of?
If I’m not tending to these basic needs, I suffer, everyone around me may begin to suffer, worst of all is the thought of me showing my boys that I don’t choose me. So, to lead by example and to be a teacher I have now accepted that above all else I must be unconditional toward the self, by choosing myself.
Being self-led, in the driver’s seat with both hands on the steering wheel has kept me safe from harm in relation to my past but now I am sensing a whole other layer of really focusing on the basic needs being met day to day to allow me to settle into my flow and new life within the unknown.
Basic needs according to William Glasser’s choice theory work being; Survival, Love & Belonging, Freedom, Empowerment, and Fun & enjoyment.
Choosing to be self-led provides the groundedness to know there is a choice, exploring the lightness from this choice allows me to feel the expansion of all the opportunities that await past the hurdle of self-worth, and the past habits of lacking in self-care.
In letting the self lead and make choices from an unconditional place there is stillness within.
Full cup, and strong energy needed to be moving forward in service to others. We have a lot more to give from a full cup.
I know now I am capable, And you are too. I know we can in fact have it all in giving and receiving.
Giving yourself permission to recieve. Recieveing the responsibilitiy of giving your gifts to the world from an unconditiional place within a chosen you.
Stepping out of the way, and into flow with a sense of care toward oneself and towards others.
In Compassion,
