What a complete work up she had herself tangled in, to what was not a grand moment with fireworks but a simple breath in and out along with a smile as she sighed in complete acceptance.
The mind is not a place she can live anymore. It doesn’t mean the mind won’t try it on from time to time. It never lasts long, it’s too messy for her and seems so scrambled full of the past, the future, and almost robotic responses behind what is spat out all over her precious life.
She contemplates the heaviness behind projecting this utter nonsense from her mind out into the potent energy field that surrounds her, she contemplates this energy of spat out mind ramblings that she knows will propel her very life forward into old outdated workings of her mind which means its a life she knows already, its a life that is the same as before, that is not what the truth seeker within her really wants to create, it starts to feel like a total disregard of her manifested momentum she worked so hard for and that easily she can start messing with a place creation itself is sparked. Eye-opening!
She couldn’t bear to know at times that she created half of this journey she’s already walked, so she dare not occupy the mind’s busyness for too long.
Residing in the mind in reflection feels like confusion for her, to know what comes from where, what’s real, watching well-worn practiced stories and programming flying out of the mind into creation like a well-rehearsed play.
There is no choosing from this structured web of information that is overloaded with the residue of what has been and what it thinks and creates of the coming.
She’s that over being from there. There is nothing too much that serves her there now she has found residence in her wide-open vulnerable heart.
Her heart bears scars of the unimaginable and it opens anyway, her heart wants to close at times and it opens more through each closing, there is light here that is felt so deeply and it ripples contagiously outward filtering through the very places that yearn for it, its an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. There is no closing down of this powerful light now, there is no busy mess here, everything is accepted. Here is love.
So she begins the foreign concept of what it is to really feel and lead with her heart.
Feeling and fumbling her way through the discomfort to meet her vulnerability with such depth scares her, and she acknowledges her courage in these moments.
The things she knows she needs to now let go envelop her entire being and it doesn’t feel good, although it is known that it is necessary to feel so it can be healed as it shows up.
As feelings arise and are released it feels like a completion each time, of even one part of a layer at least. A step in the right direction. The lesson is felt and there is no more guessing, there has been a process and a response to choose to live from heart, and all the while its never been known to do this before, she’s never had one thought to do it sooner, it wasn’t the time.
Part of her needed to break fully, for there is much more she carries, and much more she must practice letting go of, perhaps not many really realize the depth she explores but she is grateful for accepting her unique journey.
There is nothing outwardly grand in letting go for her, the grandness is so internal, and it is just for her, a silent place where it all stops still and all is connected, the heart is the connector, where it all makes sense as it is, humble in its silent space holding but extremely felt and met with wholeness.
Past the humblest silent spaces comes liberation in her surrender, knowing the experience requires a constant death and rebirth process, and that’s ok.
She let go just like that because worry seemed pointless to the expansive light that grew inside her, a light that above all she made more and more space for.
She let go because she loved herself so much that self-respect called louder than anything else at that moment.
So she chose herself, with love. Integrity had felt loosely placed around her so she decided to stand firm in herself so that this energy shone from her and out into others, she knew her calling was much much more than what she held onto, she knew she was evolving, so she let go.
In a smiling heart felt surrender towards the unknown always,
